Today we’re going to talk about growth and relationships— specifically, what happens when we grow out of a relationship.
As we continue to do a significant amount of personal development and growth, we may begin to feel that we’ve outgrown certain relationships; that we’ve outgrown the people in our lives for various reasons.
Sometimes, that’s true.
People do move in and out of our lives over the years. That said, whether a relationship is a new one or an old one, when faced with the possibility that we’ve outgrown a connection, what we need to do is reconnect with ourselves.
The questions we need to ask ourselves in situations like this are:
What do I need in my own life?
What do I need to ask for?
What is a new way in which I can show up for this relationship and have it be a fulfilling one?
The answers to these questions will give you some firm ideas as to how or if this relationship can continue, and it’s important to remember one thing:
There are two sides to this equation.
Sometimes the other person may not, or cannot, give you what you need, or they may disagree with you outright… and that’s a whole different conversation.
And that’s why growing out of a relationship is an inside job.
The interesting thing is, most people who dive deep into personal development work, think they’re already attuned within. They think that personal development means they’re getting to know themselves, but they actually aren’t.
Because when you’re on a growth path, “who you are” changes moment by moment with each new awareness.
We are not the same people we were a day, a week, a month or a year ago— we’re certainly not the people we were when the relationship in question began.
So we need to re-engage with who we are now: this new version of ourselves on a daily basis.
The person who has fewer stories and fewer beliefs hindering us.
The person who sees the world a little bit differently, who sees themselves a little bit differently, and is open to a new, evolving connection with self and others.
As we’re exploring these connections—to ourselves and in various relationships— we might look at someone and think, “Oh, this person is no longer right for me”. This could be a romantic connection, a friend, or any other kind of bond with another person.
When this starts to happen, it’s the ideal time to reconnect with yourself and really get to know this new version of yourself. With this deeper knowing you can begin understanding the true reason your relationship no longer feels like a fit.
How do you begin getting to know YOU?
Take the time to get to know what you enjoy.
Uncover what makes you happy, what brings you pleasure, joy…
Explore what brings you true ecstasy.
And… step into full acceptance of yourself, whatever you find out.
Because once you’ve given yourself permission to fully be in your light, in your purpose, allowing yourself to shine as brightly as you can as leader that you are—that’s when you can truly understand if a relationship no longer fits… or if you’re open to rekindling the connection.
One of the most vital things we can do is to have an honest conversation—both with ourselves and with the other person—about what we both want the relationship to look like.
If you were to connect as your higher selves, and really be honest with one another, what would this relationship look like?
What would it take for both of you to feel fulfilled?
What would it take for both of you to feel that you’re both getting your needs met, and your wants met?
What would it take for both of you to feel happy in the relationship?
If you choose to co-create the relationship and come to the realization that no, you’re not really jiving and you don’t know if this is going to work, then consider what that ending might look like.
Before you get to this place, however, I really urge you to truly fall in love with yourself, with your life, and your new beliefs and value system.
Ask yourself what this new love with YOU looks like:
How does it feel?
How is it going to show up in all of the different relationships around you?
I’m bringing up this topic because I’ve had this discussion many times over the last couple of weeks.
So many people are breaking up, or starting new relationships, all the while feeling that they don’t know themselves.
Friendships are ending (or starting), and people are creating new connections, but how can these be cultivated without a strong awareness of self?
Even for me, these new, fulfilling connections could only happen because I’ve been focused on cultivating a deeper connection with myself: This awareness allows me to see what I need, what I want, what I’m looking for in my relationships. What my joy looks like. What my pleasure and my fun looks like.
That’s when all of these old relationships showed up as new again, as a reminder that the connection was always there: I just needed to see it, see the support and love and presence that was already there
In this post, we have a lot of inner reflection questions, and I urge you to sit down, and take an hour to answer them honestly.
At the end of the day, only you really know the answers for yourself.
If you feel called to do so, and you desire a deeper connection to yourself and in your relationships, I invite you to join me for a half hour consultation. We can review your responses and explore some strategies and practices to help you re-engage with yourself at this new level.